Yes, Kids Notice Memory Loss — How to Talk to Children About Dementia (Without Scaring Them)

"What’s wrong with Grandma?”

“Why did Grandpa forget my name again?”

These questions can stop you in your tracks. And they often come sooner than you expect. Children are highly observant. They pick up on mood changes, tension, whispered conversations, and especially the behavior of someone they love. When a grandparent, parent, or loved one begins experiencing dementia symptoms, kids notice. And when they’re left out of the conversation, they often draw their own (and sometimes scary) conclusions.

Why We Need to Talk to Kids About Dementia

Research shows that children who are gently included in the realities of illness and aging experience lower anxiety, greater resilience, and increased empathy than those who are kept in the dark. A study published in Child: Care, Health and Development found that when children are given age-appropriate explanations and small supportive roles, they’re more emotionally equipped to handle long-term stress and uncertainty surrounding dementia or chronic illness in the family. When we protect kids from the truth, we often don’t protect them at all — we just leave them confused and alone in their worry.

What Do Kids Need to Hear?

Children need three things:

✅ Simple language

✅ Emotional reassurance

✅ A role that makes them feel included

Try these phrases:

- “Grandma’s brain is sick, and it makes it hard for her to remember things.”

- “It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this, and you can’t catch it.”

- “Even if she forgets your name, she still loves you.”

Age-Appropriate Ways Kids Can Help

You don’t have to make caregiving harder to include children. In fact, giving them small roles can ease the emotional weight for everyone:

Ages 3–5:

- Draw pictures to decorate Grandma’s room

- Sing familiar songs together

- Help with simple tasks like handing over a spoon or a napkin

Ages 6–9:

- Read (or listen to) a story with Grandpa- Assist in setting the table

- Help with puzzles or sorting items

Ages 10–12:

- Create a memory box or photo album together

- Engage in simple cooking or baking activities- Take short walks together

Teens:

- Lead art or music sessions

- Assist with digital photo albums or playlists

- Participate in support groups or educational sessions

New Resource: “Remembering the Little Things” – A Children’s Book About Dementia

To support caregivers and parents navigating this emotional journey, I’ve written a heartfelt children’s book, Remembering the Little Things.

It gently walks children through what memory loss can look like, what it feels like, and how love is something we carry — even when memories begin to fade. The printed version includes guided space to write, draw, and reflect — turning reading time into healing time.

📚 Grab your copy on Amazon: https://a.co/d/ffyLQU4

Final Thoughts

Talking to children about dementia isn’t about giving them all the answers — it’s about giving them a voice, a role, and reassurance. When we include them, we’re not just supporting them — we’re nurturing a generation that understands compassion, patience, and care.

📝 Bookmark this post, share it with another caregiver, and come back often.

💜 Questions? Drop them in the comments — I’d love to hear from you.

References:

1. Hinton, D. & Kirk, S. (2017). Children and young people’s experiences of a family member with dementia: A systematic review. Child: Care, Health and Development, 43(2), 139–152. https://doi.org/10.1111/cch.12410